Yesterday was (guess) another trying day. In the morning Elisey was acting out so much and Donna and I were so upset that Dimcho got upset too and couldn't finish his breakfast. I ended up taking Elisey and Dimcho to the park on separate trips. The boys seemed to like that better.
It is interesting to see Dimcho start to differentiate himself from Elisey. For so long Elisey was both his protector and quasi-parent, that Dimcho subsumed all his desires to Elisey. Now, feeling safe with us, Dimcho no longer likes it that Elisey gets to pick what music we listen to, what movie we watch, that Elisey gets to go ahead of Dimcho, and so on. (Keep in mind that Elisey is not 100% selfish; he does share food with Dimcho, comforts Dimcho when he is truly sad or upset, and so on. But Elisey is a normal seven-year-old and has normal selfishness for that age. We do find it positive that Elisey can exhibit empathy and altruism.)
One thing Dimcho does is to lecture Elisey, wagging his finger at Elisey. He lectures us, too, when he feels we have wronged him. I'm not one of those fathers who dreams of his son following in his footsteps, but I could see Dimcho at the lectern, sternly instructing his audience.
Of course all kids do weird things. I was a strange little kid and my parents could surely fill your ear with the odd things I did and said. Like many kids, both Dimcho and Elisey pretend to talk on cell phones. Often its to pretend to call back to one of their caregivers, reporting on the food and conditions here.
Elisey however also imitates the vapid laugh that people sometimes give when talking on their cell phone (though I'm sure none of you do that), certainly something he picked up from his caregivers in Bulgaria. Yesterday, when driving home from the park with just the two of us, he pretended to be talking to Donna. "Da (yes), Mama, ha ha ha, da," he said. He hasn't heard Donna talk on the cell phone enough to realize she doesn't do that.
What I find strangest however is Elisey sometimes winks at me. Most often it's at dinnertime. He'll turn and give me a wink, a particularly cheesy, vaudevillian wink. He doesn't wink at Donna like this. Sigh. I guess I will spend thousands of dollars on a therapist finding out what's behind that wink. I do not look forward to it. (Our pediatrician has already recommended a therapist who is experienced in adoption issues, including helping children work through their understandable grief.)
Before signing off I will say this morning was much calmer. Elisey is afraid of the dark, probably having never slept in a room without a light, but the lamp in their room was too bright, so we swapped it out for a nightlight. It's only been one night but they seemed to sleep much better as well as later--sleeping until 7 rather than 5. Step by step we figure out these things.
