The last two days have been calmer. There weren't any major meltdowns, threats, or screaming fits. Also, Elisey has been pretty calm too. :)
Susan effectively linked for us the idea of "the boys have the emotional skills of toddlers" to "relax and don't expect too much," things we had been told, repeatedly, but she also modeled for us how to carry it out in practice. Donna and I were still tense, expecting things to go bad, and Elisey was grumpy in the afternoon, but because we continually reminded ourselves of his emotional skill levels, we didn't let ourselves escalate and so he didn't escalate. When he was selfish or rude, we simply saw the toddler in him.
Dimcho actually had bigger meltdowns, including not eating much of his dinner a couple of nights ago (to be fair, I made a more exotic stew and it (a) may have tasted weird and (b) it had sweet potatoes in it, which look like cooked carrots, and Dimcho refuses to eat cooked carrots--although he likes raw carrots). We were warned, and in fact had already noticed this, that when Elisey is calmer, Dimcho picks up the slack. Because he is younger, and smaller, his meltdowns stress us less which in turn stress the household less, even though he also screams and throws down toys.
Lately Elisey also spent over 45 minutes at the park throwing his toy basketball into a full-sized hoop. If this turns out to be exercise he likes consistently, then great. He even is doing more with the ball in the backyard, throwing it back and forth and so on. Our being calmer seems to be helping him to be calmer and to focus better.
We do not expect smooth sailing from here on out, but if we can reduce everyone anxiety level a few notches, that will make life better for all. Even if we do, there will still be meltdowns from time to time. Everyone who adopts reports this. (On the plane back we met a woman who had adopted two boys before and now was adopting a nine-year old girl, who seemed very quiet and shy. She recently sent us an e-mail, stating that things were going normally, and the screaming, biting, spitting, and so were waning...sounds just like us!) Our goal now is reducing their frequency and intensity.
Although both boys are still impatient like 2-year olds, Elisey is now making progress. He is learning how to swing by himself, and has started to master how to blow bubbles effectively. Dimcho is still too impatient, blowing too hard and then having a fit because he can't blow bubbles, which gives you an idea of what we are up against.
We wish you a Merry Christmas tomorrow!
