Back to our time in Sofia...
By Friday we were exhausted, and Donna in particular was frazzled, unable to sleep due to worrying about the boys. Friday morning (the 23rd of November) we called our Bulgarian handlers and begged for someone to help watch the boys, just so we could pack for the trip home the following.
"I'm surprised you waited this long to call," Rosie told us. "Usually people call by Monday night, or Tuesday at the latest."
Stefan came and took the boys out (to McDonald's of all places, it turned out), and Donna took a quick nap and then we did most of our packing. After that Rosie came and gave us all our documents and receipts, and gave the boys a stern talking to. I'm not sure it did much good; the boys were still very wound up that night. But at least we all slept, at least a little.
Our flight out of Sofia was at 8 am. Fortunately another US family was traveling on two of the same three legs. To make things worse, I could not check us in online, and I worried about the seats we would be getting. It would be 24 hours of traveling straight, hard enough on Donna and I even if alone, but imagine with two young boys who don't really understand what is going on.
We lucked out, at least on the beginning. The Sofia airport was nearly empty and we whisked through check-in and security. The first leg of our flight was from Sofia to Vienna, and the flight crew were very kind to the boys. We had a couple of hours in Vienna, and then on to Dulles. Both of these legs were on Austrian Air, and I must say, it was infinitely better than Lufthansa. There was actually a bit of room even in economy, and the food was better too (in fact, a bit rich, and we worried about the boys having stomach problems due to rich food. Luckily know).
On the Vienna to Dulles leg, we let the boys listen to music and watch movies on their tablets, as well as the one cartoon movie, although Elisey wanted to change channels continuously. I didn't let him, so he pushed the plastic tabs on the seatback thinking they were buttons. The one thing he could adjust was the brightness, so that went up, then down, then up, then down. (We've noticed since coming home this need to change channels / tracks so much has already died down.)
That's a ten hour flight alone, so when we finally landed the boys were exhausted and fought being buckled in. We made it there, and through customs. The "immigration" for the boys, as Bulgarian citizens but as our relatives, went extremely smoothly and easily and the immigration official who handled it did it very quickly for us; we have nothing but praise for her. They are now also US citizens, and in the next weeks we will obtain additional paperwork, passports, SS numbers, and so on for them.
We still had the last 5 hour flight from Dulles to San Diego. It was a long long walk and the boys were very tired. Worse, as expected, the flights were packed and there were other families also trying to stay together. Initially the gate check clerk put 3 of us together and one in a separate seat, claiming that would be all they could or needed to do. There was very little to be done. Once we got on board, however, we were in the next-to-last row and in the last row were empty seats, so Donna sat with the boys and I sat right behind. We were all too tired to do much.
At last we got to San Diego, collected our luggage, took yet another bus to the parking lot, buckled the boys into their cars seats (donated to us by friends), and drove home. A little more than 24 hours after getting up, we were all at "novi dom," the boys' new home.
. . . . .
The "longest day" however was not the flight home, but today (well, yesterday, Sunday December 2), a week after returning home. Elisey was acting out, feeling angry, wanting to get into everything, slamming doors when he couldn't get his way, throwing things. This is normal, but it was exhausting to us, to him, and to his brother. We are supposed to "find ways to say yes" and imposing as little discipline as possible right now, and we are supposed to be "redirecting" his attention when it is negative, channeling his anger into appropriate expression, but it seems as if in his anger and frustration he tries to find the thing he is not allowed to do and to push at it. The best we do right now is to limit what he can do, such as putting away as many items as possible (our house looks like we are moving out), putting locks on doors, removing their bedroom door so he can't slam it, and so on. I understand he does believe or is afraid to believe we will true love and care for him and he is testing these limits. It's not easy on us. Parenthood is being on alert for 14+ hours a days, parenthood of new adopted children is being on high alert for 14 hours a day, and yesterday we were at DefCon 5 with the bombers circling at their failsafe points (that's a Cold War metaphor for you young-'uns out there). We are trying to find ways to channel his anger, such as a punching clown, but he refuses even that.
Dimcho is much less harder to handle. Part of that is age, part of that may be personality, but I also suspect that having an older brother shielded him somewhat from the isolation of the orphanage. Elisey probably protected Dimcho in many ways both physical and psychological, an unconscious sacrifice on his part for which he is now paying the price. (We also suspect that, even though their orphanage was less awful than many, Elisey may have experience some physical abuse. For his privacy we will not go into more detail; I only mention it because it helps to keep in mind he isn't just acting out, he has real reasons to be scared and angry.) It's going to be long, hard work for all of us.
