Respite

As many of you know, we've become exhausted, beyond the point of normal parenting. And we realize we are simply unskilled for the tremendous needs of our boys.

This past weekend we put the boys into respite care, with a Ukrainian family in Sacramento. They have 5 children, 4 boys and 1 girl, with 3 boys adopted from Ukrainian orphanages. They are thus experienced dealing with the issues that have so flattened us.

It is a happy and vibrant home, and the boys were comfortable and playing with the other children within minutes.  Elisey expressed a desire to stay there (of course, he had just gotten pizza and cake, and there were no locks on the doors, so what was there not to like?).

Right now they are teaching the boys, Elisey especially, that there are still rules there, and he is still not to touch the TV or the computer, something I am sure deeply disappoints him. 

It seems like a very good place for them. Meanwhile, we are recovering our own health and strength, and will regroup to decide what to do next.

We deeply appreciate everyone's love, support, and concern.

Sorry for the silence

We've just been tired. And it was a rainy weekend, which meant the boys were cooped up inside most of the time.  We did get a brief visit to the zoo Sunday morning, though we only spent an hour before Elisey began a path to meltdown. We then went to a nearby playground.

They begin a slightly longer school day today, going until 1:20. Next week, we hope the boys will be able to have full school days until 2. The main issue is the school needs to find someone to be with Elisey one-on-one at all times.

We also are adding a second in-home caregiver afternoons because, well, Elisey needs an adult on him one-on-on at all times.

Trampoline

We bought a small children's trampoline, in an effort to work off more of the boys' energy.  Elisey seemed to like it, Dimcho a little. The problem is both of them, but Elisey especially, loses interest in any activity after a few days. This is common with all kids, I know, but our difficulty is finding ANYTHING that he likes reliably.  We'll let you know how the trampoline fares.

More hard days

Despite the zoo and the play date, the last week has been hard. Both Donna and I are exhausted.  The emotional needs of the boys are, frankly, extreme.  All children can be exhausting, but not in this way. And we have experienced teachers and babysitters who agree that our boys are way, way outside the usual.

I may not post for a couple of days while we regroup and find resources. 

Back to the zoo

We went again to the zoo today. Probably went too far, as the boys, Elisey especially, got cranky and recalcitrant.  Even though there are many novel sights at the zoo, about 90 minutes is his limit.

Here are the boys at the "helicopter" by the polar bears.  They wanted to try the skytram, but we weren't sure they wouldn't suddenly be struck by being afraid up so high.

On the way out, we were going to a nearby playground. But Elisey continued to buckle and unbuckle himself, so we went directly home. Much wailing and gnashing of teeth. But we hope this reinforces that they have to follow rules.

Actually, the last couple of days have been exhausting. Not any individual outburst, but just the continued nature of it. It's beyond even J., our experienced helper, to do alone. The boys need at least two people at all times (or, specifically, Elisey needs someone at all times).  It's not just our inexperience, which we thought was the case for a long time; these boys just need a lot of careful attention, because of their emotional delays due to institutionalization.

First playdate

The last couple of days were a bit busy. Thursday Elisey was very noncompliant at school. In the afternoon he sprinted away on a walk with our helper, and got three blocks away before I caught up with him. He got in the car right away, which is a  good thing. 

Yesterday we had long conversations with our placing agency and with our "adoption coach," both of whom helped us process what has been going on and strategies to help the boys move forward.

Today we had our first "play date," with twin boys, age six, who were adopted from Russia 4 years ago. Their mother attends our church.  The boys, Logan and Kyle, were very nice and shared very well with Elisey and Dimcho.  Towards the end Elisey melted down, as he tends to do, and was not stopping when told to and was trying to hurt his Tatko (me) to get what he wanted.  Logan and Kyle were very empathetic and tried to comfort a distressed Elisey.

Nonetheless, it was overall a success and we will do it again. Elisey later recovered when we had a photo shoot at home. Elisey practiced saying the little ditty his first grade class recites when calming down ("Criss-cross applesauce hands in lap"). Our in-home helper, J., had the brilliant idea of filming Elisey saying "No touch" to various forbidden items such as the stove, microwave, and so on. I will turn that into a short video and see if that seeps into his brain...

Here is Elisey and on of the brothers, Kyle or Logan.

And for good measure, Dimcho at the park.

Cold

I have a slight cold. The boys don't have it, not yet, but they are at school and there are a lot of colds going around. They got flu shots (which we did not, sigh, lack of time) so they won't get that I hope.

Yesterday our social worker came by and again remarked on the boys' progress.  Elisey was able to do several pages of homework, copying out letters.  More importantly, he was able to do it without looking up every 5 seconds to see if an adult was giving him attention. There were 4 adults around the table, talking, but the fact that he felt secure in their presence and able to focus, without actively seeking attention, is a big step for him.  Both boys appear very happy with school and are eager each day to go back.

Busy day, so this will be brief.