We've just been tired. And it was a rainy weekend, which meant the boys were cooped up inside most of the time. We did get a brief visit to the zoo Sunday morning, though we only spent an hour before Elisey began a path to meltdown. We then went to a nearby playground.
They begin a slightly longer school day today, going until 1:20. Next week, we hope the boys will be able to have full school days until 2. The main issue is the school needs to find someone to be with Elisey one-on-one at all times.
We also are adding a second in-home caregiver afternoons because, well, Elisey needs an adult on him one-on-on at all times.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Trampoline
We bought a small children's trampoline, in an effort to work off more of the boys' energy. Elisey seemed to like it, Dimcho a little. The problem is both of them, but Elisey especially, loses interest in any activity after a few days. This is common with all kids, I know, but our difficulty is finding ANYTHING that he likes reliably. We'll let you know how the trampoline fares.
Monday, January 21, 2013
More hard days
Despite the zoo and the play date, the last week has been hard. Both Donna and I are exhausted. The emotional needs of the boys are, frankly, extreme. All children can be exhausting, but not in this way. And we have experienced teachers and babysitters who agree that our boys are way, way outside the usual.
I may not post for a couple of days while we regroup and find resources.
I may not post for a couple of days while we regroup and find resources.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Back to the zoo
We went again to the zoo today. Probably went too far, as the boys, Elisey especially, got cranky and recalcitrant. Even though there are many novel sights at the zoo, about 90 minutes is his limit.
Here are the boys at the "helicopter" by the polar bears. They wanted to try the skytram, but we weren't sure they wouldn't suddenly be struck by being afraid up so high.
On the way out, we were going to a nearby playground. But Elisey continued to buckle and unbuckle himself, so we went directly home. Much wailing and gnashing of teeth. But we hope this reinforces that they have to follow rules.
Actually, the last couple of days have been exhausting. Not any individual outburst, but just the continued nature of it. It's beyond even J., our experienced helper, to do alone. The boys need at least two people at all times (or, specifically, Elisey needs someone at all times). It's not just our inexperience, which we thought was the case for a long time; these boys just need a lot of careful attention, because of their emotional delays due to institutionalization.
Here are the boys at the "helicopter" by the polar bears. They wanted to try the skytram, but we weren't sure they wouldn't suddenly be struck by being afraid up so high.
On the way out, we were going to a nearby playground. But Elisey continued to buckle and unbuckle himself, so we went directly home. Much wailing and gnashing of teeth. But we hope this reinforces that they have to follow rules.
Actually, the last couple of days have been exhausting. Not any individual outburst, but just the continued nature of it. It's beyond even J., our experienced helper, to do alone. The boys need at least two people at all times (or, specifically, Elisey needs someone at all times). It's not just our inexperience, which we thought was the case for a long time; these boys just need a lot of careful attention, because of their emotional delays due to institutionalization.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
First playdate
The last couple of days were a bit busy. Thursday Elisey was very noncompliant at school. In the afternoon he sprinted away on a walk with our helper, and got three blocks away before I caught up with him. He got in the car right away, which is a good thing.
Yesterday we had long conversations with our placing agency and with our "adoption coach," both of whom helped us process what has been going on and strategies to help the boys move forward.
Today we had our first "play date," with twin boys, age six, who were adopted from Russia 4 years ago. Their mother attends our church. The boys, Logan and Kyle, were very nice and shared very well with Elisey and Dimcho. Towards the end Elisey melted down, as he tends to do, and was not stopping when told to and was trying to hurt his Tatko (me) to get what he wanted. Logan and Kyle were very empathetic and tried to comfort a distressed Elisey.
Nonetheless, it was overall a success and we will do it again. Elisey later recovered when we had a photo shoot at home. Elisey practiced saying the little ditty his first grade class recites when calming down ("Criss-cross applesauce hands in lap"). Our in-home helper, J., had the brilliant idea of filming Elisey saying "No touch" to various forbidden items such as the stove, microwave, and so on. I will turn that into a short video and see if that seeps into his brain...
Here is Elisey and on of the brothers, Kyle or Logan.
And for good measure, Dimcho at the park.
Yesterday we had long conversations with our placing agency and with our "adoption coach," both of whom helped us process what has been going on and strategies to help the boys move forward.
Today we had our first "play date," with twin boys, age six, who were adopted from Russia 4 years ago. Their mother attends our church. The boys, Logan and Kyle, were very nice and shared very well with Elisey and Dimcho. Towards the end Elisey melted down, as he tends to do, and was not stopping when told to and was trying to hurt his Tatko (me) to get what he wanted. Logan and Kyle were very empathetic and tried to comfort a distressed Elisey.
Nonetheless, it was overall a success and we will do it again. Elisey later recovered when we had a photo shoot at home. Elisey practiced saying the little ditty his first grade class recites when calming down ("Criss-cross applesauce hands in lap"). Our in-home helper, J., had the brilliant idea of filming Elisey saying "No touch" to various forbidden items such as the stove, microwave, and so on. I will turn that into a short video and see if that seeps into his brain...
Here is Elisey and on of the brothers, Kyle or Logan.
And for good measure, Dimcho at the park.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Cold
I have a slight cold. The boys don't have it, not yet, but they are at school and there are a lot of colds going around. They got flu shots (which we did not, sigh, lack of time) so they won't get that I hope.
Yesterday our social worker came by and again remarked on the boys' progress. Elisey was able to do several pages of homework, copying out letters. More importantly, he was able to do it without looking up every 5 seconds to see if an adult was giving him attention. There were 4 adults around the table, talking, but the fact that he felt secure in their presence and able to focus, without actively seeking attention, is a big step for him. Both boys appear very happy with school and are eager each day to go back.
Busy day, so this will be brief.
Yesterday our social worker came by and again remarked on the boys' progress. Elisey was able to do several pages of homework, copying out letters. More importantly, he was able to do it without looking up every 5 seconds to see if an adult was giving him attention. There were 4 adults around the table, talking, but the fact that he felt secure in their presence and able to focus, without actively seeking attention, is a big step for him. Both boys appear very happy with school and are eager each day to go back.
Busy day, so this will be brief.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Papers
Yesterday, or maybe the day before--the days blur together and we don't always remember to check the mailbox--the boys received their official certificates of US citizenship. They were of course already US citizens the moment we entered the US with their visas. But it's always nice to have a piece of paper.
Speaking of papers, when it comes to homework the boys are much more interested in the question of to whom the paper belongs, rather than the homework itself. We can do the homework with them, but it's often a battle as to who gets to touch it. Yesterday Elisey brought home a sign that read "no touch" and some pictures of things he is not supposed to touch (light switches, television, computers), the point being he is supposed to rehearse what he is not to touch without permission. But he just wanted to show off the items he had been given, and was uninterested in the content. Again, this comes out of their deprivation of any possessions at the orphanage.
Yesterday Donna and I tried again to out to lunch. Although they had done pretty well the last time, this time Elisey really acted out, to an extent that our babysitter had never seen before (although it sounded familiar to us).
Along those same lines: when we enrolled the boys at school, we tried to warn them about their behaviors. "Oh, we've seen that kind of thing before and we have tools to handle it," they assured us. Now they are signalling that, no, they haven't seen this kind of child, and are desperately trying to figure out how to manage them. Us too.
Cudos to the school for their efforts, however. And we are seeing some huge improvements, in their English, in their writing, and in their counting. When they are calm--and that is the big issue--they both are quite interested in learning and practicing what they have learned. (And, for example, when Elisey is in a happy, compliant mood, he will eagerly say, "I'm not touching." ) We are very happy with that.
And so it goes.
The next couple of days will be busy--I am meeting with a colleague tomorrow morning, and on Friday we have phone calls and meetings with members of our support team, so it may be a couple of days before I post again. Overall, the course is steady, if not as smooth as we would like.
Speaking of papers, when it comes to homework the boys are much more interested in the question of to whom the paper belongs, rather than the homework itself. We can do the homework with them, but it's often a battle as to who gets to touch it. Yesterday Elisey brought home a sign that read "no touch" and some pictures of things he is not supposed to touch (light switches, television, computers), the point being he is supposed to rehearse what he is not to touch without permission. But he just wanted to show off the items he had been given, and was uninterested in the content. Again, this comes out of their deprivation of any possessions at the orphanage.
Yesterday Donna and I tried again to out to lunch. Although they had done pretty well the last time, this time Elisey really acted out, to an extent that our babysitter had never seen before (although it sounded familiar to us).
Along those same lines: when we enrolled the boys at school, we tried to warn them about their behaviors. "Oh, we've seen that kind of thing before and we have tools to handle it," they assured us. Now they are signalling that, no, they haven't seen this kind of child, and are desperately trying to figure out how to manage them. Us too.
Cudos to the school for their efforts, however. And we are seeing some huge improvements, in their English, in their writing, and in their counting. When they are calm--and that is the big issue--they both are quite interested in learning and practicing what they have learned. (And, for example, when Elisey is in a happy, compliant mood, he will eagerly say, "I'm not touching." ) We are very happy with that.
And so it goes.
The next couple of days will be busy--I am meeting with a colleague tomorrow morning, and on Friday we have phone calls and meetings with members of our support team, so it may be a couple of days before I post again. Overall, the course is steady, if not as smooth as we would like.
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